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Joke of the Day

"KING1: I bring you gold. K2: I bring you frankincense. K3: *drops pot of myrrh* *pot shatters* Oh. I bring you...erm...interpretive dance!"

"Did you know that there are 71.9 acres of nipple tissue in the U.S.?"

"Did you hear about the kidnapping down the street? His mother wouldn't wake him until 3."

"Getting ready to ask my black friends what finna ax means."

"My wife said that my pen!s closely resembles a Tic Tac. She was proud of her remark until I asked her why her sister still has bad breath then."

"What's the best way to cross the border? In the trunk of a car."

"I ran into a racist Jamaican on Halloween, I went into a gas station wearing an Obama mask, he said no mosques allowed."

"It's cute how my boss called the plastic container on my desk a ""water bottle."" Yeah, that's the clear liquid I keep in there."

"I finally learned to masturbate without hands! Now I use only one."

"Narrator: ""Humans are the product of 4.54 billion years of evolution"" [cut to me pressing harder on remote control when batteries are dead]"