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Joke of the Day

"I was sitting across the bus today from a very sexy Thai girl...and I kept saying to myself ""Don't get an erection , Don't get an erection""....But she did"

"what's the best part about electing Hillary Clinton? Being able to pay her 33% less"

"It's impossible to have an *ok* time on a trampoline. It's either the most fun you've ever had or you go to the hospital."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I dunno, but the real question is how'd they get in there in the first place?"

"I really wish I knew who kicked the jack under the car which I was working on........ .......... the suspension is killing me."

"I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey... But then I turned myself around"

"Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No but she sure could climb trees well!"

"Stop telling me to ""keep calm""! I'm freaking out about why this British phrase has permeated American culture!"

"Cop: Know how fast you were going? ""55?"" Cop: Faster. ""217."" Cop: Um, no, 72. ""24?"" Cop: I already told y- ""Negative 6?"" Cop: Get out."

"I just watched Bug's Life and cried the whole time I mowed the lawn."