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Joke of the Day

"I spent a solid two hours tonight drowning my sorrows. Never give a stripper PCP"

"Went to the dog car dealership. I could tell the salespeople were friendly, since I got all the Volkswagen at me!"

"What do you call a penis with a doorbell? A ding dong."

"My grandad was killed by a zulu He was having a shit in London zoo and the roof fell in."

"What is the difference between reindeer and caribou? Reindeer are the ones that fly."

"Did you hear the one about the two guys who voted no? Neither did aye."

"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a duck? People sometimes get upset if you shoot a duck. The duck is much less greasy. BUT MOST IMPORTANT Nobody ever complains about a duck's bill."

"The best thing about sharing a king sized bed with your spouse is that if you move far enough away it feels like you're completely alone."

"If you still have a landline, I assume you also own a butter churn and ride a dinosaur to work."