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Joke of the Day

"How does Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. Edit: JK rolling."

"((Sigh)) I would love to get a new BMW i8 It definitely will get the most gals per mile in city driving."

"A computer game character walks into a bar... I should really turn no-clip off."

"The Golden Globe goes to... Burrito ... for best actor in a microwave, with a convincing performance of taking longer than necessary."

"911: What's your emergency? Me: Hunting accident. I think my friend is dead 911: Can you verify that he's dead? *gunshot* Me: Yep, he's dead"

"An atheist, a vegan and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes."

"Remember when AOL was the shit? Then it sucked. Myspace was the shit. Then sucked. Facebook was the shit. Then sucked. Twitter is the shit!"

"Always stand up for what you believe in, unless what you believe in is sitting down."

"I saw that they were opening a new beauty store in Boston. I think it was called ""Boston balmer"""

"What did the Mexican girl say to her fiance? You're the Juan!"