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Joke of the Day

"There is no dialog in the first half-an-hour of Mad Max:Fury Road...(no spoilers) ...'cept all the blacks yip-yappin' in the theater."

"Man who go to bed with itchy bum Wake up with smelly finger. Is fact."

"How do you get pickled bread? With dill-dough. Credit goes to a J. Cain"

"Did you know the bible was written by M. Night Shyamalan? The plot twist was crrraaazzy. Jesus was a jew the whole time"

"[trying to do standup] u kno whats funy [someone yells 'society!'] nno [entire audience starts laughig] wait [audience laughs louder] stop"

"What happens when a guy addicted to banging fat chicks doesn't get laid. Width-drawals."

"My friend got a tattoo of his wife's name so I guess he loves her as much as he loves barbed wire."

"How much citrus does it take to kill a pirate? None."

"What would happen if The Styx and The Stones got a band together? It wood rock."

"A donkey, a calf and a foal walk into a bar... Its not a joke, it really happened in Melbourne not that long ago"