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Joke of the Day

"My wife and her twin were standing next to each other in the kitchen Well, long story short, I grabbed the wrong butt and my brother in law was not amused"

"Men are like department stores. Their clothes should always be half off."

"There are 10 types of people Those who understand binary and those who don't"

"What's black white and red all over Michael Jackson in a blender."

"Shoe store employee on phone w/ wife: ""Yea honey I should be home just in time for dinner"" *centipede walks in* ""You've got to be kiddin me"""

"How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? If it's their lightbulb, none of your damn business."

"[ice cream parlor] WIFE: I'll have two scoops of vanilla ME: me too, u could say I want an WIFE AND CLERK: please don't ME: ice cream clone"

"Welcome to twitter, the support group for people who like people who don't like people."

"Know why Jedi don't get married? Because they know divorce will be with them. Always."

"The reason I like Twitter is because the ladies on here LIKE being followed. Unlike like little miss restraining order down the street."