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Joke of the Day

"When a store plays pop music half the time and classic rock the other half, you know there's two people working there that hate each other."

"What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons? Jose and Hose B. It sounds better when said aloud."

"Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? Because it ain't murder if they had it comin'!"

"[Interview room] Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present Cop: You ARE the lawyer Me: So where's my present?!"

"So I peed on my phone last night man was I pissed."

"My girlfriend broke the news that she's pregnant I responded, ""Congrats, now you have something to remember me by."""

"Paid love costs less."

"Him: So what are you into? Me: *thinking of the newspaper cutouts of Justin Trudeau all over my bedroom walls and ceiling* Politics."

"Physics 101: Heat expands objects.. You're fat.. you're hot"

"There's a new Batman coming out, but Batman is being played by an Asian? His alter-ego? Bruce Wang."