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Joke of the Day

"My resolution? To eat like a normal person, as opposed to my old habit of hate-fucking my mouth with a fork."

"Where did Hitler keep his armies? In Poland, France, and Czechoslovakia."

"My brother's one of the biggest stickup men in town. Gosh is he really? Yes he's a six-foot-six billposter."

"What do you call a monkey with a stick of dynamite up his ass A ba-boom."

"I aspire to write jokes for laffy taffy. Q: What do you call a gullible vampire? A: A sucker"

"[sits family down at dinner table] I've decided we're going to start watching anime"

"Why don't kids like cheesy jokes? ... they're too mature for their taste"

"When I jerk off I'm not a fancy restaurant about it, I'm more like McDonalds Fast, easy, and you don't have to get out of the car"

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'd love to be the bear of bad news. ""The bad news is, you're gonna need stitches. RAWR!"""