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Joke of the Day

"My Dr. just diagnosed me as 'paranoid'! Well, she didn't say that, but I know the bitch was thinking it!"

"Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? A: All you can eat under a buck."

"Stop making fun of the fat girl Shes thick and tired of it."

"Y'know, Hitler wasn't all that bad... He did kill Hitler after all."

"What's better than 29 year olds? 20 9 year olds ( ) Sorry"

"[babies txting] ""my dad's thumb just came off"" lol wtf ""wait its back on again nvm"" ok lmao ""he just stole my nose"" im phoning the police"

"A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean...... Both crews were marooned"

"People can't drive. Take this guy behind me for example, doing 110 mph with flashing blue lights. What the hell is a ECILOP anyway??"

"When I get overly proud of America, I simply remember that in 1999 we made Mambo No. 5 a number one hit."

"I caught my wife in bed with another man, I was crushed... So I said, ""Get off me you two!"""