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Joke of the Day

"I bought my friend an elephant for her room... She said ""Thanks!"" I told her ""Don't mention it."""

"Me: One last drink and then I'm off to the petting zoo Her: Aren't you too drunk to bring the kids to a petting zoo? Me: I have kids?"

"Asked my Ouija board if I was getting laid tonight. The pointer keeps gliding back and forth between the H and the A. It's been over an hour."

"Why do they call me seven days? Because I'm weak."

"I could never be on a reality show because I wouldn't want my mom to see the faces I make when I talk to her on the phone."

"Growing up my girlfriend was called the human calculator... but that's just because 14 year old boys would have her do handstands so they could see her boobies."

"Why did the chicken cross the school yard? To get to the other slide!"

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A Rip-Off"

"I'm going to open a building that functions as a sperm bank as well as a urine analysis center. It'll be called ""coming or going""."

"What's the difference between a chicken drumstick and a penis? If you answered ""I don't know""? Then would you like to go for a picnic?"