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Joke of the Day

"Why does Star Wars have 100s of people using lasers to fight and literally NOBODY using them to etch cute wooden drink coasters"

"The swimsuit portion of the presidential election is going to suck."

"Did you hear about the Brooklyn bubblebrain who was two hours late for work because the escalator got stuck?"

"I got in from the pub and poured myself a glass of water. ""You're drunk, aren't you?"" said a disappointed voice behind me. ""What makes you say that, honey?"" I asked. She said, ""This isn't your house."""

"How long does it take a tweaker to go shopping? An hour 5 minutes for the Ramen noodles and foil. 55 minutes to fix the squeaky shopping cart wheel."

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change !"

"What do birds say on Halloween? ""Trick-or-tweet!"""

"""What's your greatest strength?"" Shadow puppetry ""Seriously?"" [interviewer presses intercom button] ""Pat, please bring a flashlight in here"""

"I was having trouble sending text messages to my friend yesterday - so I text him ""test"" this AM. He quickly responded back - ""icle""........"

"I don't have any good science related jokes to tell Because most of the good jokes argon"