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Joke of the Day

"Why does Star Wars have 100s of people using lasers to fight and literally NOBODY using them to etch cute wooden drink coasters"

"Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone."

"What did Hamlet say to his cat? Get thee to a nyanery!"

"Why is Lamar Odom so much fun...? Because, he's just dying to party."

"Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine"

"So a kleptomaniac goes to see a doctor about his stealing problem. Patient: Doc, I just can't seem stop stealing everything. Doc: Please take a seat..."

"LIFE HACK: If ur phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, rice will attract Asians who will fix ur electronics for you"

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals.. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."

"Truthful Tuesday: Sometimes I just say ""Hello"" back because there are too many witnesses around to stab you repeatedly in the face."

"Not to brag but I have approximately 5000 compact discs I haven't listened to since 2003 that are preventing me from moving on with my life."