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Joke of the Day

"Ugh don't you hate it when you accidentally leave the volume up on your phone & the next stall hears the *click* when you snapchat your turd"

"Watching the olympics women beach volleyball first round... There's already been a wrist injury, but I should be ok by tomorrow."

"Medical prices these days are ridiculous Why, something as simple as an amputation costs an arm and a leg."

"What did the horse order at the bar? Chardaneiiiiiiggghhhhh"

"I'm not only a workaholic, I drink at home too."

"What did the starving, homeless couple say to the nurse outside the abortion clinic? Fetus please."

"I read an article about a stolen dog being reunited with its owner and it made me feel good to think maybe someone will steal my dog one day"

"Why do lesbians shop at Dunham's? Because they don't like Dick's."

"eating ice cream after working out so my body knows who's in charge"

"A man is lying in a hospital bed. ""Doctor, how long do I have to live?"" asks the man. ""10,"" replies the doctor. ""10 what?"" ""9."""