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Joke of the Day

"Men are like government bonds. They take so long to mature."

"Have you heard about the recent wave of Saudi emmigration to Pennsylvania? No? Yeah, well it's quite big - there was even a popular documentary series on it... ""It's always Sunni in Philadelphia."""

"You realize kids in other countries make Air Jordan's and iPhones right? -Me responding poorly to my kid's homemade Father's Day gifts."

"[NSFW]What does a woman, fridge and washing machine all have in common? They all drip when they're fucked."

"You can count on your dog to be the first responder when anything or anyone drops to the floor."

"My poetic look on the election Roses are Red. Violets are Blue. Damn it, America! What the fuck did you do?!"

"Did you hear about the straight white male viscount who ruled with an iron fist over one field? He was an oppressive shitlord."

"How do you make a plumber cry? You murder his family."

"I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works."

"Brutally honest? I'm always honest ... I guess the brutality would depend on your level of aversion to the truth"