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Joke of the Day

"I was in a band that played nothing but pirate shanty covers of Sex Pistols songs... We call ourselves ""The Fuck Muskets"""

"Waiter: May I take your order? Yes, roll over and play dead! Waiter: It's not that kind of order. Oh. Sorry. I'll have the cheese sticks."

"Kind of sad that the most fragile men in the world are required by law to become pro wrestling referees."

"My friend told me he was terrified of pedophiles... I told him to grow up."

"TIFU by sitting next to a really hot Thai chick on the bus home today and kept thinking, ""Don't get an erection, don't don't don't..."" But she did."

"Hold the door for your girlfriend. Listen to the door. Tell the door everything will be okay. Leave your girlfriend for the door."

"Billy: Hi! What's your name? Johnny: Johnny. B: Hey, what's THAT? J: An iPhone 4. Mom: Who's your new friend, Billy? B: Johnny. He's poor."

"I really identify with the trans movement... For the first 9 months of my life, I was a man trapped in a woman's body!"

"I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym... I guess we just weren't working out."

"When buying baked goods I always ask myself, ""are you prepared to eat this in the parking lot?"""