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Joke of the Day

"""Oh, hey! I didn't even recognize you!"" means ""I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are."""

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"The other day I tell my wife, ""when I look into the mirror I only see an old fat man, I need you to make me feel better about myself."" She says ""you have perfect eyesight."" - Norm MacDonald"
"Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right... But three rights make a left"
"Why did the gold fish cross the road? To go to /r/antijokes"
"Why do farts stink? So the deaf can enjoy them too."
"The jerk store called. Instead of texting. Typical"
"That awkward moment when your friends are singing ""happy birthday to you"" and you don't know where to look."
"What did the man with leprosy say to the hooker after he paid her? You can keep the tip."
"What do dyslexic zombies eat? BRIANS!! Everyone else is safe"
"I chose not to act when a bunch of pinnipeds gatecrashed my outdoor party. I sealed my own fete."