144117

Joke of the Day

"I hate when people ask what I hope to be doing in 5 years time I mean come on, I don't have 2020 vision"

"My Jewish friend always had such a positive outlook on life, even as he suffered from such horrible constipation. As he'd always say, ... This two shall pass."

"The Pokemon Champs The pokemon shooters should've blocked the exits if they wanted to be successful, ""gotta catch em all,"" remember!"

"First witch: Here's a banana if you can spell it. Second witch: I can spell banana. I just don't know when to stop."

"Teacher: What is can't short for ? Pupil: Cannot miss Teacher: and what is don't short for Pupil: Doughnut !"

"My gf texted me ""myspacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative"" Do any of you know what ""ternative"" means?"

"Why is the KKK a good place to find a job? Cos they'll always hook a brutha up"

"Friendly Competition My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more."

"Son: Dad, you work so hard and never get any credit. You're like a superhero! Dad: Nice try. You're still not getting the Internet password."

"Someone invented a yoga mat that rolls itself. If that person reads this tweet, I have a fitted sheet I'd like for you to look at."