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Joke of the Day

"ABORTION BILL A congressional aide asks a politician, ""What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?"" The politician replied, ""Shhhhh -- just pay it."""

"This pumpkin spice toilet paper seems unnecessary, but I'll taste it nonetheless."

"Why is America home to the majority of comedians? Lax pun control laws."

"What do you call violence in the kitchen? Assault and pepper"

"When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul."

"What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"

"Why can't I eat just one cookie and be happy???"

"Cutest thing I saw today was the dad angrily slamming the sliding door of his minivan but it slowed down by itself and latched silently"

"Why don't vampires go south of the border? Because every time they suck a Mexican's blood, they get the vshits for a month."

"A therapist and his client play a word association game and the therapist asks, ""What's the first word that comes to mind after the word 'pork'?"" ...he responds, ""U pine."""