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Joke of the Day

"My dad keeps trying to teach us... My dad keeps trying to teach us about our partially Eskimo heritage, but I don't care. I'm just not Inuit."

"Middle age is mostly getting super excited about different flavors of hummus."

"Why was the beach wet? Because the sea-weed."

"Capri Sun taught me how to stab with accuracy."

"Did you hear about the houses that fell in love? They had a lawn-distance relationship."

"I used to be a gynecologist... But after I started shaking, they wouldn't stop following me home."

"My son cried when I gave him his breakfast this morning. I made him scrambled eggs, covered them in ketchup & told him it was Humpty Dumpty."

"Never knew why pajama tops had pockets on them, but I just filled mine up with cookies to bring back to bed and now it makes complete sense."

"Q: why did the blond stare at her orange juice for 2 hours? A: because it said ""concentrate"""

"What did the physicist have for lunch? Fission chips."