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Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctor recently.. * Doctor: Do you play any sports? * Me: Does sex count? * Doctor: Yes * Me: Then no."

"Inkling sounds like a baby octopus"

"""Pull my hair, slap me, call me dirty names"" - WTF? I've been doing this since kindergarten and always got yelled at."

"I've just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....... I will keep you posted."

"Holy lord, that sneeze felt so good I feel like I just cheated. I even named it Stan to further delude myself. I'm such a bad girl!"

"I'm not a racist. I can't even run."

"Honey, I have good news,and bad news Which one do you want to hear first? -Tell me the good news. -You' re gonna become an aunt."

"My blind friend just tried LSD for the first time... There was more tripping than usual."

"Best Way to deal with High School Bullies: Grow up to be smarter, richer and better looking than them and then add them on Facebook."

"Dudes don't like it when you ask if their salmon-colored pants are wild or farm-raised"