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Joke of the Day

"What was King Arthur's favourite game? Knights and crosses!"

"Can't believe I'm not invited to things I'd never go to."

"I accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 4."

"My dentist not only specializes in treating cavities, but he also sells gasoline for your car. Basically he runs two filling stations."

"The other day, my girlfriend called me dumb for saying that toasters can swim. She was right, I am dumb. When I dropped it in her bath, it sank to the bottom."

"Why couldn't Caligula get anything passed in the Roman Senate? His horse kept casting too many neigh votes."

"Sikh turban dude"

"I went to a library... I went to a library and asked the librarian for a book on suicide. Then the librarian turned to me and said ""Fuck you, you wont return it!"""

"Watching Animal Hoarders. It's like Snow White only the animals aren't really helping with the cleaning."

"i told my cat i was gonna teach him to speak English ... he looked at me & said ""Me? how?"""