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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why don't violists play hide and seek? A: Because no one will look for them."

"Don't assume my personal politics because of a tweet. Trust me, I believe ALL politicians are equally full of shit."

"Phishing Thanks for the gold kind stranger!"

"Q: What did Captain Cook say to his men before they got on the ship? A: Let's get on the ship, men!"

"Are you guys OK? I haven't heard from you all year."

"My preschooler talks a lot of trash when we play Chutes and Ladders for someone who needs help counting his spaces."

"Why did the twinkie go to the dentist? He lost his filling!"

"I've reached this point in life, where I have no idea what I'm doing. I've always been there, I just admit it now."

"My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby."

"How many clergymen does it take to screw a lightbulb? Amen."