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Joke of the Day
"any man with a ponytail is never more than 15ft away from a katana at any given time"
Next Joke
"Me: ""I'd like to pay by card."" Waiter: ""Contactless?"" Me: ""No, you can cuddle me."""
"How do you know someone is from California? They tell you."
"How would Arnold Schwarzenegger describe a sousaphone? ""It's not a tuba!"""
"I'd get lost less frequently if GPS would say ""no, your other left."""
"Me: *gets all four daughters dressed* Wife: I want everyone in Christmas dresses. Me: But- Wife: Everyone. Me: Fine. *puts on my dress*"
"Lucky that guy in Good Will Hunting liked apples."
"People that start a sentence with ""Now I'm not trying to be rude"" are either about to be rude, or about to sing Ignition by R Kelly."
"No matter where you live, there's always 1 light switch that doesn't do anything."
"What do you call it when an inmate takes a picture of their-self? A Cellfie"