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Joke of the Day

"People are like trees: you can figure out their age by cutting into them & counting the rings. Right? I didn't do this for nothing, right?"

"Just been sent to jail for the first time and spent the first half hour getting ass raped. My Uncle Frank takes Monopoly far too seriously"

"Why couldn't Marco Rubio register on a web forum? The website required him to prove that he is not a robot."

"I recently bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with.. But I've been tripping all day."

"Why do native american's hate snow? Because it's white & on their land."

"My girlfriend just said, ""Your obsession with cats is out of control, so I've packed your bags."" I think she's kicking meeeowt."

"I didn't go through four years of grad school for this! (I didn't go to grad school.)"

"""You know who else loved carbs? Hitler."" - excerpt from my book How To Diet Through Shame & Manipulation"

"[My band playing on stage] New GF's friend: Which one is the boy you've been seeing? New GF: *sees me playing accordion* He died"

"What's a Redditor's favorite food? Copy pasta! ^^I'm ^^so ^^sorry"