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Joke of the Day

"Honey, I'm afraid we can't get married anymore. weed_hitler69 just told me I was gay. *looks at Xbox* Thank you sir. You've changed my life."

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"""I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS!!!"" (Seductively takes baby dragon out of Gucci purse & lights cigarette.)"
"Why is E the only good letter? Because every other letter is not E!"
"You know who loves to get fisted? Sock puppets... -credit to Daniel Tosh"
"How many dead orphans does it take to change a lightbulb? Obviously more than 10, cause it's still pretty dark in my basement."
"What do you call Nitrogen after the sunrises? Daytrogen."
"It took America two days to create ""anti-WikiLeaks legislation"", yet, proper regulation of the financial sector, for example, is awol."
"I need a new job. One where I'm always running out the door with my arms flailing and holding a jar screaming ""I GOTTA GET THIS TO THE LAB!"""
"So I called the suicide hotline earlier... I was answered with, ""Thank you for calling Mr. Archipelago0. We will be processing your request shortly."""
"Why did they not allow farmers in Greece? They got tired of all the minotaurs."
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