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Joke of the Day

"Me: *opens door* Yes? Him: Hi. Can I have a minute of your time to talk to you about The Lord? Me: ..Of The Rings? Him: Uh No.. *door slam*"

"Why do cemeteries have fences? Because people are dying to get in."

"Me: Siri, why am I alone? Siri: *opens front facing camera*"

"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you next Friday."

"I missed a call from a girl last night... I missed a call from a girl last night. I called her back, she said she must've butt dialed me. I said, ""Maybe your butt knows what it wants."""

"GEEK BOOTY CALL... FRESH AIR You're a breath of fresh air, just like my asthma inhaler!"

"What do you call a pachyderm that doesn't matter? Irrelephant."

"What does a Dalek do in the shower? EXFOLIATE!"

"Some dude at ASU named Dean has me on his list. Honestly, I don't appreciate or understand it. Thinking about contacting the authorities."

"adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane"