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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a pachyderm that doesn't matter? Irrelephant."
Next Joke
"If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time to just before a famous person was supposed to be assassinated and borrow money from them."
"Whilst reading through an ancient book at the British Library, I found a magic spell' that would supposedly make women want to have sex with me. Worked like a fucking charm."
"What did the banker use for birth control? His personality"
"Velcro... What a ripoff!"
"Sorry I threw your baby but there was a spider on her."
"[interview] My biggest weakness is that I'm too literal ""That's fine. Your resume looks good, welcome aboard!"" *turns to whiteboard* welcome"
"Pessimist : The glass is half empty Optimist : The glass is half full Feminist : The glass is being raped"
"How do they educate locomotive drivers? They train them"
"Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all of the other prescription drugs."