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Joke of the Day

"My friend has recently started collecting acting equipment. Props to him."

"Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin? A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him."

"This no more tears shampoo sucks. I've been feeding it to my friends kid and he's still crying. nnnnMust be doing something wrong."

"[God creating bats] GOD: I wonder what a bird would look like if it was a demon?"

"I'll defend puppies & kittens with my life.. But if your kid's acting like a spoiled brat...I will ABSOLUTELY knock him over when you're not looking."

"I have fond memories of the sausage factory. It was the best of times, it was the wurst of times."

"Honey, I Shrunk Wrapped the Samdwiches for the Kids' Lumches is There Anythimg Else You Want Me to Do You Kno Theres a Big Game Tonigt Right"

"How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it."

"I saw a hipster walking outside in the cold. He didn't have a jacket on, so I asked him why. He said he was outside before it was cool."

"Did you hear about the problem in Pakistan where smoking a scorpion gets you high? Well only the men get high, the women get stoned"