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Joke of the Day

"TIL Every animal has its own specific mating call A bird sings, a frog croaks, a badger clickets, a grasshopper chirps, a deer croons, and I beg."

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"What's the difference between dreams and memes? I haven't given up on my memes yet"
"I would never want to join the Boy Scouts of America They're just a bunch of BS"
"I thought about opening up a cemetery... but it seems like it would be a large undertaking."
"In biblical times, I would have given your dad so many goats for you."
"If I don't mention you, then the tweet/status wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace that bitch up and wear it."
"""My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!""said Miss Conceited. ''Then he's right said her little brother.''Sophia Loren?'' ""No-spaghetti!''"
"If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I really hope it starts in Vegas Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."
"Leonardo DiCaprio, Ellen Page set to star in a sci-fi adaptation of Colin Kaepernick's career. *Interception*"
"Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? Because they all have phones!"