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Joke of the Day

"Man, you gotta hand it to Dick Cheney. Or else he'll torture you."

"I get my best showering ideas when I'm writing jokes."

"I only have 4 months left on that mirror I broke in 2005."

"In Heaven all your lost pets are sitting around waiting to see you again. ""I wish he'd die,"" says Cupcake. They all nod."

"I heard the Energizer Bunny got arrested the other day... Yea he got charged with ""battery""."

"People who say they're in the best shape of their lives are usually about to die."

"Wife: you're so damn forgetful! M: oh nonsense! W: ok, did you get the cat food? M: WE HAVE A CAT??"

"wow, i thought what we had was special, you met my family and made me dinner, now you say you're a ""waiter"" and you're just ""doing your job"""

"The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand."

"My wife says ""I want to go... ...somewhere i've never been before."" I said, why not try the kitchen."