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Joke of the Day

"The gal in front of me on this flight didn't enjoy me stroking her forehead after she reclined into my lap. Thought we were having a moment."

"If a fireman's job can go up in smoke, and a plumbers job can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?!"

"I saved my cannibal neighbor's daughter from drowning today. Her father was so grateful he gave me a hand shake. It had some chunks, but it was delicious."

"[Interview] Why do you want this job? Me: *opens briefcase* I don't. *pulls out Snickers* I just wanted to eat this without my kids around"

"What do you call a sleepwalking Nun? A roamin catholic"

"How do ghosts like their chicken cooked? Terri-fried!"

"Who loves fast food? Jared fogle"

"This Just In For News A man apparently, we assume, was black, and we assume, was shot, and we assume, by a police officer. More details, we assume, later."

"Rolls down car window. Throws caution to the wind. Spends an hour cleaning caution off the side of the car."

"You guys wanna hear a joke? My life."