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Joke of the Day

"I was once accused of stealing money from work. I didn't do it but it was nice to know management also thought I wasn't getting paid enough."

"Did you hear about the train that hit the deaf guy? Neither did he."

"Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people."

"My science teacher said he was going to show me his transistor. Imagine my surprise when a girl with a penis appeared."

"In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library. Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library. -Conan Monologue June 12, 2014"

"I'm not usually vengeful, but when I am it's because someone gave my kid a whistle."

"$100 dollar bill.... a guy leaves of a building and looks up and says that $100 bill is mine, that $100 dollar bill is mine, and dies crushed by a mattress."

"I can't see how this day could get any worse. First, my baby cousin went missing... And now my pet snake has a huge tumor"

"PIRATE CORN: $12/DOZEN"

"Did you hear about the avon lady ? Max Factor"