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Joke of the Day

"[identifying body] Cop: this him? Me: yea Cop: he's burnt pretty bad huh Me: yea Cop: ... Me: ... Cop: prolly get a discount on cremation"

"So my ear doctor said... ...""If you continue down this path, soon you will lose your hearing."" and i asked. ""So no more PewdiePie videos?"""

"Why are Dendrochronologists Forever Alone?"

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? Three. Two to complain about it and one to light an organic scented candle."

"My friend told me that she wanted to give me a deep throat blow job today. ""Really!?"" I asked. ""No,"" she replied, ""April Fogarbnsrgabsjg...."" That'll teach her to try to be funny..."

"What do Justin Timberlake and Theon Greyjoy have in common? A dick in a box"

"My friend is really into that show Arrow He's a real Arrow-head"

"""Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the tru-"" I choose dare, your honor ""Bailiff, please hi-five the defendant"""

"Why Cant Girls Count To 70? .....Because 69 is a mouthful"

"I'm 291 away from having 3000 followers on Twitter and 8 away from having 10 friends in real life."