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Joke of the Day

"If I die before I wake, I pray the lord has ice cream cake."

"next time you feel depressed with yourself, remember that you're about 70% water & thats cool af"

"That girl from The Exorcist was a real head turner"

"Why did the army's craftsman enact a ""Don't Ask, Don't Tell"" Policy? He didn't want any glaze in the military"

"I bought condoms & the cashier said do you need a bag? I replied ""No she isn't that ugly""."

"Why did the Weimar Republic ban balloons? Because of the Hyperinflation."

"""I wish you would stop staring at my breasts. "" said the barmaid, ""you're making me uncomfortable. "" ""Uncomfortable?"" I replied, ""you want to try sitting on one of these stools with an hard on. """

"If you've been kind to nature, birds will rescue you through your sunroof in a traffic jam and fly you to their kingdom"

"saw guy at the store hand his gf some ""cutie"" oranges and say ""youre the real cutie."" i went to the bedding aisle and screamed into a pillow"

"There are two types of people in the world... Those who pee in the shower and dirty feckin liars!"