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Joke of the Day

"My father thinks himself an expert at cutting through busy sidewalks. I consider his ability rather pedestrian."

"Me: Santa, why are women so scary? Santa: dude come on, I make $8.50 an hour, get off me."

"The furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand..."

"I've requested to be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti so that a future archeologist will have one awesome day at work."

"The Size of my Penis is Very Private It's information that should be kept between me, my doctor, and his wife."

"Press ""three"" for Spanish, and press ""fo"" for Ebonics"

"WHY ARE THEY STILL PLAYING CHRISTMAS COMMERCIALS? Me watching recorded TV shows"

"What do you call Venus Williams' collection of Pokemon? The 'mons of Venus."

"I asked my friends how they decided they were going to have a baby... They said it was just sperm of the moment."

"I picked up an ice cream cake & the cashier said keep it in the freezer until serving so it doesn't melt. I've got to start dressing smarter"