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Joke of the Day

"Breaking: CNN confirms planes need fuel to fly. In other news, scientist confirm brains are not needed to work at CNN."

"What did Tanto call the lone ranger after he started treatment for cancer? Chemosabi"

"I love to run. Around the house. Chasing my toddler. Because she took my iced coffee."

"It takes more muscles to frown than smile, so I'll consider this my workout for the day"

"A man goes to the lawyer: ""What is your fee?"" Lawyer says: ""1000 US dollars for 3 questions."" Man: ""Wow - so much! Isn't it a bit expensive?"" Lawyer: ""Yes, what is your third question?"""

"What's an owl's favorite rock band? Owls personally prefer the track list of Rock Band 2. Just a solid game."

"It's rather pathetic that the only thing that consistently works on my car is the Check Engine light."

"I have a life besides Twitter. Like this one time that I take a walk into the woods but then realize there was no wifi & I began to panic."

"Dear Life, I have a complete grasp on the fact that you are not fair... so please quit teaching me that lesson."

"It's depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine"