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Joke of the Day

"in high school i dated a girl that pronounced the L in Salmon. last i heard of her she was doing meth"

"Where does the zombie president live? In the wight house."

"There's no greater waste of time in life than wishing a one-year-old a happy birthday."

"My wife said, compared to a lot of girls out here, that I'm lucky to have her. I said ""Yeah? Maybe, but I'll do my own research thank you""."

"Are you from Idaho... Are you from Idaho cause I-da-hoe for you."

"It's cute how my boss called the plastic container on my desk a ""water bottle."" Yeah, that's the clear liquid I keep in there."

"Mike Rowe Penis Women have told me I have a Mike Rowe penis. I guess it must be because they think it's pretty strong and does dirty jobs... but I think it's a little small myself."

"We're in the exact point of climate change as when wile e. coyote runs off the cliff but hasn't looked down yet"

"[consoling grieving widow] so I guess you'll be looking for a new owner for his pokemon collection?"

"How do you spot a terrorist? They'll freak out when they hear a helicopter"