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Joke of the Day

"Men might stare at your tits and ass, but women buy a latex mold of a pen*s and keep it in their drawer. Who's creepy now?"

"""I see your bet and raise you all my hair since 6th grade. Oh and this pen."" ""Sir that's not- ""You got a problem with pens?"""

"M: Come to bed... Her: I have a headache M: You're a robot! H: M: H: ...SELF DESTRUCT [BOOM] M: Nice try but you're still under warranty!"

"Do you know that horrible feeling of guilt when you eat all your kids candy? Me neither."

"Pupil: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? Teacher: Of course not Pupil: Good, because I didn't do my homework"

"What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the South? Nothing, someone's losing the trailer. -Robin Williams"

"What's blue and doesn't fit? An epileptic at the bottom of a pool."

"I looked at a penny under the microscope. What I saw was magnificent."

"How is a women and peanut butter the same? It takes a lot of coaxing to get them to spread when they're cold"

"My car lease is up and I have to return it back to the dealer today, so I'm practicing jumping out of a moving car."