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Joke of the Day

"I haven't been sexually active because I'm saving myself... Some money."

"Did you hear about the idiot who invented the one-piece jigsaw puzzle?"

"Did I tell you that my girlfriend has the flu? Yeah, basically."

"Best exercise to lose a few pounds... So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the ""Brexit""."

"Why couldn't the butter quit his gambling addiction? HE WAS ON A ROLL!"

"I stubbed my toe while visiting my parents. ""Mother fucker!"" My dad pops up, ""Hey! We agreed that you'll stop calling me that and I'll stop calling you 'cunt squatter.'"""

"Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? He was looking for a tight seal."

"Life called: They're all out of lemons. It's over."

"Lady pulled away with the gas pump still in her car and I was like OMG who's your dealer?"

"I accidentally went to Star Trek convention dressed as Chewbacca... It was a Wookie mistake"