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Joke of the Day

"I recently went to the funeral of an asshole who bullied me for most of my life..... I wanted to literally see a dick in a box."

"So I went to the doctor's office today. He tells me I need to stop masturbating. I ask him why, is my heart to weak, or something? He says ""no, im trying to examine you.."

"I named my hard drive ""dat ass"" So once a month my computer would ask if I want to back dat ass up."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Human Cannonball Barbie ...complete with spring-loaded cannon that will shoot her 15-20 feet"

"Just got back from Germany... and let me tell ya, their meat is the Wurst."

"Why would Helen Keller be a terrible driver? She's dead."

"My friend was quite a colorful character... His name was Hugh"

"[invention of blue cheese] ""this cheese has gone off"" sell it ""but it's gone mouldy"" I SAID SELL IT! ""fine"" & double the price ""are u ok?"""

"What's the difference between a pig and a musician? A pig won't stay up all night to fuck a musician"

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn't really think your choice was excellent."