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Joke of the Day

"When can women make you a millionaire? When you're a billionaire"

"Shout-out to my arms For always being by my side"

"Dropping the bass So my friend tells me she respects people who play the bass. I reply with the following: ""the only bass I like is the base that drops."" Tell me Reddit, tell me I'm hilarious."

"You think Japanese teenagers are shocked the first time they see a real live naked woman & it's not all pixelated looking down there?"

"Wife: What did I ask you to do? Me: Love you forever? W: M: Kill a man to defend you honor? W: EMPTY THE DISHWASER I was getting there."

"I have all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4:00 p.m. today."

"There's a special place in Hell for those women who say ""Awwww"" after everything they hear."

"I used to hate the square root of -1 but then I realized I was just imagining things."

"If I had a fake leg it would be a see-thru plastic one full of jelly beans and I'd only charge kids a dime for a handful like the old days."

"Remember that AMA guy whose mother slept with him because he had broken his arms? She was adding incest to injury."