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Joke of the Day

"As technology gets lighter, thinner, and faster... People get heavier, thicker, and slower."

"What's orange and can't climb a tree? Donald Trump."

"How do you get down off a horse? You don't, you get down off a duck."

"""Hi, I'm here for Paradox Club."" Actually this is Oxymoron Club. ""Ok, same difference."" *looks at group* Oh, this guy is good."

"BowHead Whales! The problem with Bowhead whales is how narcissistic they are. They just won't stop thinking that they are Right!"

"...and the bartender says, ""sorry. We don't serve time travellers."" http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3lsvu6/a_time_traveller_walks_into_a_bar/"

"Refugees do the jobs no one wants to do. Like being a suicide bomber."

"A male honeybee's only job is to stay in the hive and impregnate the queen... American response: ""Those lucky bastards!"" British response: ""Those poor bastards..."""

"I have the eyes of a hawk, the ears of a fox... and a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"A pond would tell you about introspection if it wasn't so busy self-reflecting."