139984

Joke of the Day

"DOCTOR: Does it hurt when I do this? *takes you out several times then acts distant*"

"Had a fight with a janitor once, wiped the floor with him"

"Eve: I got an Apple. Adam: ... Eve: ... Adam: ... Eve: What? Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android. Eve: The serpent said this was better."

"Did you know that 1 in 4 people has multiple personality disorder? That means one of the me's has a problem."

"Eye of the Tiger came on the radio and I got so excited the macaroni salad I was making is all over the walls and the cat has a black eye."

"What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus."

"If you're going to insult the Amish, do it to their face. You kinda have to. They're never gonna see it online."

"my day was poop until i pictured shaq using two giraffes as ipod ear buds"

"If Batman gets to use a piece of Kryptonite against Superman, Superman should get to use a piece of Batman's parents. Fair is fair."

"I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes"