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Joke of the Day

"I actually don't really hate anybody at all except for Oprah,David spade, Kevin James, the mom from the Berenstain Bears, Sheryl Crow, Kevin"

"Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you're the crazy one."

"What does it sound like to shoot yourself in the foot twice? Pao! Pao!"

"Why are there so many trees along the Champs-Elysees? Because ze Germans like to march in ze shade."

"Studies have shown horses exposed to marijuana are less stable and unsafe to ride. So get off your high horse."

"face down ass up that's the way I like to contemplate the fragility of my existence"

"I'm going to open a bank ... ... with a clawbar!"

"8/10 black men say they enjoy shower sex. The other two haven't been to prison"

"The only thing I learned in college is that I'm stupid."

"7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me."