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Joke of the Day

"A 95 year old man and a 93 year old woman file for divorce. Lawyer: Why divorce now after all this time together? Woman: We wanted to wait until the kids were dead."

"I'm at the point in my life where ""friend with benefits"" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons."

"What is a Word documents least favorite blood type? Type-O"

"What is Hillary Clintons least favourite instrumeny? The trump-et."

"Women are a lot like cars. You rarely get a brand spanking new one, and as soon as you've been in it once. It loses more than half its value."

"My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class wank him off. I said,""Son that's three schools this year. Maybe teaching isn't for you."""

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away. That's the best plan healthcare.gov could offer me."

"Whenever someone says ""I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart"", all I hear is ""I know where you can buy drugs"""

"My family keeps telling me that when I die I should have my ashes made into a diamond There's a lot of pressure"

"My friend said he didn't mind homosexuality, just didn't like it in his bedroom. I asked, ""have you tried the kitchen?"""