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Joke of the Day

"My counsellor told me I have a problem with vengeance. We'll see about that."

"No internet access in Cairo- Now the country is just called Gypt."

"I'll always remember my dad's last words on his death bed: 'Son, what are you doing with that pillow?'"

"What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving? 1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise"

"My 5-year-old niece's twist on an old pirate joke **Question:** Why did the pirate have trouble with the alphabet? **Answer:** Because his 'I' was all jacked up. *...she cracks me up*"

"How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate pizza before it was cool"

"If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive They would eventually find me attractive."

"A dirty limerick I made up today ... I once met a girl named Susie. And, boy, was she a doozie! She loved me right, Made it last all night! And in the morning she blew me!"

"""I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"" -Me, every time I drink"

"A dog owner tells his dog.. Owner: ""Who's a good boy?"" Doggo: ""Did you just assume my gender?!"""