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Joke of the Day

"My VW Beetle can't deliver when I want a ""GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY"" honk. It's all, ""Hi! Let's get a latte after you move just a smidge!"""

"A neutron walks into a bar He orders a drink and the bartender passes him one. The neutron goes to reach for his wallet, but the bartender stops him. ""For you, no charge"""

"My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy... so I got drunk."

"What are the chances that Donald Trump has so annoyed people... that even rapists and murderers don't want to be associated with him?"

"Use 'discount' in a sentence. Teacher: Johnny, please use ""discount"" in a sentence. Johnny: Yes ma'am, ""Does discount as a sentence?"""

"shave your dog in the winter so he stands out in the crowd. if you lose him u can easily describe him as the cold bald dog"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes no eye deer (i'll see myself out)"

"A priest, a rabbi, and a shaman walk into a bar... and the bartender says ""What is this? A joke?"""

"Where does an octopus go to buy shoes? Inke"

"Which bounty hunter specializes in tracking elves? Jingle Fett"