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Joke of the Day

"Your mum is so fat that when she entered an ugly contest they said, ""sorry mam, but no professionals."""

"If you can't walk into your walk in closet, you might just live with your girlfriend."

"If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were in a car accident, who would survive? America."

"Pregnant. It's like ignant, but there are 2 of you."

"""Shh...it took an hour, but I think he's finally asleep."" *fireworks go off outside* *opens window* I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE"

"""How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror? Oh questions about the job? No I'm good."""

"Terrifying to think that every Chinese person is a deadly karate-bomb, just waiting for the slightest provocation to explode."

"What did Robin Williams suicide note say? ""Sorry guys...I gotta go see about a girl."""

"What happened to the man running in front of a car? He got tired. The man running behind the car -- he got exhausted."

"""Dad, I don't feel good."" ""Do you want to go see the doctor?"" ""Yeah."" ""Are you gonna throw up?"" ""Maybe."" ""OK. We'll take your mom's car."""