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Joke of the Day

"""I'm so wet!"" she screamed at me. ""I'm so fucking wet!"" she screamed at the top of her lungs. ""Give it to me, now!"" She could yell all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Body-Piercing Barbie ...comes with mini-piercing gun and mini-body ornaments"

"Why did the guy at the trainyard get struck by lightning? He was an excellent conductor"

"Should America make China the 51st state so we can get better access to Chinese food? I'm so sick and tired of Panda Express."

"I'm going to stand outside So if anyone asks, I'm out standing"

"Attack today with a positive attitude. Absolutely destroy it with good vibes. Murder its family with hope."

"What Australian city has the most cats? Purrth."

"being single in apartments is the best cos you can listen to couples fight all the time. so comforting. like being inside during a storm"

"So Amish people just yell their tweets from the top of their barns?"

"Just wrote a song about making sandwiches using tortillas. ... Well, it's more of a rap..."