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Joke of the Day
"Inspecting mirrors.... ....is a job I can see myself doing."
Next Joke
"How do you combat espionage? Umbreonage"
"I like my children how I like my Christmas decorations Only on the holidays."
"A 95 year old man and a 93 year old woman file for divorce. Lawyer: Why divorce now after all this time together? Woman: We wanted to wait until the kids were dead."
"As a husband and father, it troubles me that prisoners are still being given time in solitary confinement when I would gladly pay for some."
"Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he fucked off."
"You call it an unfinished window, I call it a draft."
"Rob Zombie is a good musician but also a great way to make money when the undead rise from their graves"
"Fun thing to say to your neighbors on the first meeting: I love the way your hair smells when you're sleeping."
"thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon"