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Joke of the Day

"Customer care: Your call is important to us, please hold on. Customer: *completes graduation* *gets a job* *gets married* *gets old* *dies*"

"Upvote this if you're in North Korea! ....wait...."

"(All credit goes to my 4 year old niece) How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentickles!"

"My psychiatrist asked me how I became so patient. I told him I was waiting on Half Life 3 to come out."

"A man drops his watch........ And he notices his dog is about to piss on it. The man says ""Oh no you don't, not on my watch!"""

"Him: Mm girl, back that ass up. Me: Like on iCloud or something?"

"What comes after March? April, fools!"

"Your luggage has wheels on it? You know, that guy Jesus didn't have WHEELS on that cross thingy he had to lug around. You people disgust me."

"People should really stop making jokes about major tragedies. My grandpa died in Auschwitz... He fell off a watchtower"

"Maybe the reason you're not having *sexual intercourse* is because you call it sexual intercourse."